How do you get over the “jealousy” - May 2024 Babies | Forums | What to Expect (2024)

Have you considered formula?

I know the want to give breast milk but if your mental health is taking a toll, it’s not worth it and your milk will reflect that.

With my first, we struggled SO MUCH with breastfeeding and pumping and my milk started losing its fat content cause of the stress. Once I decided to switch to formula everything got so much better.

Might be something to consider.

Why are you pumping for an hour at a time? I’m sorry if that’s a dumb question. That just sounds like a really long time and my nipples hurt just thinking about it!

Maybe you could put him in charge of cleaning the pump parts? Get him involved somehow, to take some of the load off of you.

The jealousy thing is pretty normal. I feel jealous and sometimes even resentful at how drastically my life has been altered in comparison to my husband. But I try to remind myself that it’s an honor to be a mama, that dads have their own special role too…but there’s nothing like the love of a mother.

Have you tried using a haakaa when your daughter does nurse from you? It collects your letdown and milk from the other side. Using a haakaa has made my freezer stash crazy already and I’m only 3 weeks postpartum (with my third, so I’m pretty experienced with the haakaa and started using it as soon as my milk came in)

I also use two..one on each boob..when I’m feeling engorged or my daughter skips a feed. I get 2-3 ounces per side within like 10-15 minutes (sometimes within 5-10 if my daughter is nursing on one side).

I personally hate electric pumps.

Hang in there mama

I think you should talk to him about this. Acknowledge that it’s not his fault, but ask him to be a bit more considerate and do some seemingly little things to help that can make a big difference. I am BF but pump every second day while my husband is giving baby a bottle. He’s not perfect, but here are some things he has been doing to help me (he is on pat leave until September):

- Changes 99% of the diapers

- Brings me water and snacks while BF

- Keeps his phone on so he can come ASAP if needed. I make sure to ask for help the second I need it, whether it be grabbing me something or trying to help soothe baby.

- If he’s going to be unavailable (workout, shower, grocery shopping), he makes sure I have everything I need beforehand.

- He will wash bottles and pump parts if he gets to it before I do.

- He acknowledges how much harder it is for me right now, which helps. He straight up said “what you’re doing (feeding on demand) is not easy”. Hearing him say those words was so validating.

This would not be okay with me. I exclusively pumped with my first and it is HARD.

My husband washes all the pump parts and bottles when he’s home as the trade off and makes sure baby is taken care of while I’m pumping if he’s home.

As a side note, when you’re alone - I will pump only one side at a time so I can snuggle baby to keep them from losing their mind while I’m pumping.

There are ways he can support you and being off with friends while you’re going through it even when you asked him to come back is absolutely not okay. My husband will take our toddler to play with the neighbors kids but as soon as I ask him to come home he’s back within 5 minutes.

My LO took care of some of that feeling, she's normally easy to burp after feeding, but if she knows my husband is around she'll only burp for him... so he's on deck to burp and change diapers while I pee and do other things I need to.

Husband now feels he's a vital part of the process and sticks around.

Do talk with your husband about how you're feeling. there are many ways for him to help and that you don't have to feel "jealous".

best luck ❤️❤️❤️

I exclusively pump and it’s soooo exhausting. But some things that have helped, I have multiple pump sets for the spectra and one wearable, so after I pump I just pop that set in the fridge, rotate through all my sets and then wash them all at once so I’m not constantly washing pump parts. I was having to wash after each session in the beginning and it was awful, especially in the middle of the night. Sometimes I save my wearable for the end of the day and/or first pump of the day so I can wash the rest of the pumps while pumping, then I pop it off and wash it right away.

Also if you’re double pumping an hour is too long and can cause nipple damage. You should only have a pump on for 30minutes. But if you’re only pumping one side at a time then pumping for a hour makes sense.

Also, at someone else’s suggestion from this app, yesterday I set him in the boppy and was able to give him a bottle while I pumped. It worked pretty good! Up until he finished his bottle then he got crabby but he was also due for a nap lol but it was helpful for a bit.

I also try to pump while watching one of my favorite tv shows or something to help the time pass.

My guy always gets fussy as soon as I start the pump too… I don’t have the answers there unfortunately, just hoping he’ll outgrow it at some point or that we’ll fall into a better schedule. Hubby went back to work 3 weeks ago so it’s been an adjustment to our routine and we’re still working out the kinks.

Biggest advice is just remember to give yourself some grace… it’s hard and it’s okay to supplement with formula or to stop a session early. And I know we’re not supposed to but as long as I’m not terribly uncomfortable I’ll skip a session sometimes or go longer in between than 3/4 hours, especially at night.. by time I wake up, heat a bottle, change a diaper, feed him then pump it’s almost a 2 hour process and it’s just too exhausting so I’ve skipped some here and there to get some extra sleep and it helps!